DKC Atlas Forum

Here we make a fake (of course!), endless cheat (lasting the whole thread), of how to unlock Donkey Kong as playable in DKC2. You can only post a part of the cheat every 12 hours. When you post part of the fake cheat, start by completing the last sentence, and starting a new one, but don't finish it. (Ex. The last post was, "...in the mall, then you need to...", when you post, post something that completes "then you need to", and start part of a sentence, which someone else will complete. Remember, this is a FAKE cheat, so don't be afriad to get wacky. I'll start out.

Start a new game and get the red balloon at the end of level target with Diddy, then go buy a drumset and...

'and...' then you must:

Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet
And then bury all your clothes
Paint your left knee green
Then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet
And pretend your name is Keith

Skin yourself alive
Learn to speak Arapahoe
Climb inside a dog
And behead an Eskimo
Eat a Renault Four with salami in your ears
Casserole your gran
Disembowel yourself with spears
(Sorry, I had to.)

Then...

Hahahaha... I never thought this topic would amount to anything worthwhile, but there it is, in post number two. Awesome.

I have nothing to add, just had to show my appreciation for NxCy's masterpiece.

Then you must....

Form a Beatles tribute band,
Run a triathalon naked,
Devour the souls of the innocent,
Then find a baby and take it.
Contemplate your existence,
then invent a holiday,
honoring all the Raccoons that died,
to make us hats, (OK).
Adopt an Ecuadorian,
and teach it how to dance,
Then crack two eggs, and take the shells,
And stick them in your pants.
Then go buy stocks in Duracell,
and take a pole dancing class,
Then take your brothers math homework,
and wipe it on your ass.

Then go to Canada and.....

There actually is a hoax cheat to unlock DK where you press B A B Y in cheat mode, but it doesn't work.

The posts don't have to be SUPER long people. I only said to finish the last sentence, then start another one, but we just end up with paragraphs instead, . I'll continue.

'go to Canada and...'
stay there for a year,
make sure it is EXACTLY a year,
or you need to start the cheat over,
if you stay there for a year,
then eat some...

green bananas you found 2 months ago. Then you have to kill...

...a lion with the drumset you bought earlier,
hack a DKC related site,
buy some ham and sunbathe with it,
go to Castle Crush and do teh barrel glitch,
and take the lion's wife to a dinner,
baptist a baby as Timothy,
and go to a table dance with him,
play Viva Piñata and...

(I'm lame-o ¬¬)

Kong-Fu wrote:There actually is a hoax cheat to unlock DK where you press B A B Y in cheat mode, but it doesn't work.

That unlocks Kiddy - not DK, you silly boy.

'Play Viva Pinata and...'
Beat the game in less than 0.0001436 seconds,
or else your Xbox 360 will catch on fire,
and you will have to blow the fire out,
If you beat the game in that time,
or blow the fire out,
go to the bathroom and...

...go to the bathroom and...
...stuff your toilet with 50 rolls of toilet paper, then flush.
When your toilet clogs...

...Use a plunger to pull out the clog and then put it into a pot and.....

'put into a pot and...'
cook it until it boils,
then take it out with your bare hands,
do NOT drop it or you will have to start over,
when you take it out,
put it into the toaster and...

'put it into the toaster and...'
turn the toaster on,
when it's done,
put it in the toaster again and turn it on,
repeat this cycle 5 times,
then...

Then throw it out within five minutes. If you don't, then you have to urinate on it until it changes colors and then eat it.

Then take a piggy bank and....

Jomingo wrote:[...]Then take a piggy bank and....

...go to the 20th floor of a building and throw it out a window, then catch it up and don't let it break, otherwise you'll have to start over,
jump in circles while carrying the chicken you were holding in air and teach it to use the banjo,
buy a Mercedes Benz and dress like James Bond, go driving till you reach Sydney and find Fred Flinstone,
give him the chicken and drive back to the Awesome Nation,
go visit Tiptup Jr. and give him...

I'll let you decide what to give him

And give him....

A pet shitsu/bulldog hybrid. Call it a bulls**t. Then knock him out and drag him to my hiding bush.

Eat whatever roadkill you find underthere and....

Sorry Jomingo, but you can only post part of it every 12 hours, (as said above), but I'll let it slide since it's your first warning.

Sorry, I forgot. I thought that was only for the "bananas in your hoard" one.

Sorry.

'find underthere and...'
dig a hole to the center of the earth,
not too close to the center,
or you'll get burned up,
in the hole you should find a mole that will...

'a mole that should...'
give you a 6-day ticket to Disney World,
fly to Disney World,
and in your hotel room you should find...

'you should find...'
some Zebras,
use the Zebras to...

'use the Zebras to...'
ride all the way to the next country,
in the country you should find...

'in the next country you should find'
a giant hammer,
take the hammer,
and with your hardest whack...

Use the hammer to assassinate a presidental candidate. When the security guards chase you, jump on one of their heads into the bonus barrel. While in there, you will find a $20 note. Use the note to gain access to a nightclub and...

...Pretend you are a person who was really invited, until...

... Miley Cyrus apppears and takes you to the back room for some...

When you are done you leave and go have tea with...

(have tea with...)

... Rupert Grint! Then pour a cup of sugar on his head, call him "Roonil Wazlib," and run out the door to...

...play Find the Hay in the Needle Stack twice.

After playing that, you have to play through seventeen levels in Donkey Kong Country using your toes. If you lose a life you'll have to start this all over again.

After that you have to...

...press LRRLRRLRLR until the cheat menu pops up and type LOLWUT and then swin towards the nearest waterfall and catch a seabass, with the seabass you must...

... Throw it back into the water.

Then you have to beat DKC and DKC3 with your eyes closed while eating cake with your toes. Next you have to drink Volvic Revive and spit at...

the Recycling bin! After that you have to do 20 Jumping Jacks while DK and Diddy dance when you completed the level in DKC1. After that...

... you have to pretend you're having a seizure in the hospital.

Escape the hospital by using a...

...shovel. You MUST start at the EXACT center of the hospital, and you MUST dig through the floor and go to the outside of the building, if you fail to do so within 3 seconds, you will have to start the entire cheat over. Once you finally accomplish that, and are outside the building, you must...

...prepare scrambled eggs in a grill and serve it with another seabass. Eat it while you run in a highway while avoiding the angry squirrels chasing you. When you finish your plate grab a squirrel and...

BAM! Throw him away! After that...

... play Chess on rail road tracks.

If a train comes you have to...

...pound the ground and a steel barrel with come out of it and you must throw the barrel at the train. Next, dig to middle earth with you ear by rapidly pressing the F and U buttons and defeat Golem by jumping on his head and grab the ring, with the ring...

EAT IT! Then spit it out, EAT IT AGAIN! Spit it out again. After that...

...eat it again, and it will taste like peanut butter. Spit it out again, and it will BE peanut butter, take the peanut butter and...

... stick it up your nose while doing the Chicken Dance on...

...the Pope's hat. The Pope's guards will close the doors to his palace within 37 seconds, so you must escape or your game will be glitched forever.

To escape the palace in time, you must resort to using a booster barrel. Once outside, the pope's guards will begin to chase you. To elude them, you must....

...kill yourself.

The End.

But wait, your data gets lost, don't worry, that's supposed to happen,

in order to get it back, you need to...

BURP!

And after burping, you must break a television set by jumping on it 284 times doing a jump exactly every 3.4 seconds (if you do not do this correctly, you must repeat all steps while dancing polka).
Then, make a chocolate milkshake and throw it to the game cartridge/Wii/computer (if your game is V 1.1 NTSC, you must make a vanilla milkshake) and delete your file.
Then you must...

... slam your face into the screen imitating Ganon.

After that, you have to watch...

...Hogan's Heros while counting every time someone says "a", take that number and enter it into your cheat menu on DKC2 and the screen shall read LOLLERSK8S UNLOCKED, with the lollerskates, skate to Gloomy Gulch, dig up Mr. X and...

eat him with Yoshi. Then meet the worm named...